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Is it clearer with ... or without?
Well, yesterday's visit to the dentist was ok, he said my teeth are totally awesome (I may be paraphrasing a little), so no fillings for this baboon. It was slightly unnerving how, when taking an x-ray of my jaw, he stood right in the furthest corner opposite the machine - very reassuring. And sadly the burst of high powered radiation didn't even give my jaw any strange super powers - what a waste of time.
However this coming saturday I have that infinitely preferable of intimate examinations, an eye test. Who doesn't feel a secret thrill when the optician places that giant heavy pair of glasses on your head? Who can help but be soothed of all your troubles as she swaps the lenses around and whispers sensually 'is it clearer with... or without? ... with .... or without?' And I defy anyone not to feel a little rush of excitement as she moves in close to your face and then shines a light right in your eye. Oh how I pity those of you with perfect vision.
It's still not as good as having your feet measured though.
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1.6.05 14:41
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The first step is admitting I have a problem
I have realised that I have a drinking problem. The problem being that when I get nervous I can't drink. I lose all ability to guide my drink to my mouth and somehow the beverage in question ends up all over my legs. Which is why last night when I met 4 lovely bloggers, 3 of whom I'd never met before, I ended up pouring half a pint down my trousers. Twice. So if you're meeting me for the first time, and my trousers are soaking wet, you should know it's just because I'm shy. Really. Now if you'll excuse me, my trousers and I are a little hungover.
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2.6.05 11:54
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79 - Mine Campf
 Well, I finally got off my arse and drew a comic again. There might be a couple more guest comics still to come, but here's a quicky just to fill in til then. Now we can finally find out if I'm capable of drawing comics and blogging at the same time.
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3.6.05 10:35
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Hypothetically speaking
If your doorbell rings at midnight just as you've got into bed what do you do? Ignore it is the obvious answer, but in your half-concious state you think it's something important, so you start pulling on clothes to go down to answer it. Then suddenly, one leg in your trousers, you freeze. What if it's a trap?
There could be muggers down there, just waiting for you to open the door. Or murderers. At this point you're not even prepared to rule out werewolves. So you scan around the room for something to use to defend yourself. You don't play any sports so there are no cricket bats or hockey sticks to wield. Even a tennis racket would seem like excaliber at this point.
Then your eyes alight on the deadliest object in your bedroom - you clutch it tightly in your hand and head stealthily down the stairs to the front door. You fling it open defiantly, only to realise that you're standing there, in your pyjamas, brandishing a small pair of nail scissors at no one at all. What were you thinking? Go back to bed.
You should probably still go out and buy a solid silver billiard cue just in case though.
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3.6.05 11:34
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Losing it
I really think I need to get a flat mate, if not for the sake of my
wallet then for the sake of my sanity. I was sitting there, browsing
the radio times, trying to find something to watch, when I could be
heard to exclaim aloud: ' Father Dowling? Now you're talkin' my language!'.
I think maybe I need to re-evaluate how I'm spending my sunday afternoons.
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5.6.05 12:55
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80 - Fangs for the Memories
 Hey! It's a new comic! This took me all day sunday to do because I had a horrible cold, but oh-so-cruelly I was feeling not quite ill enough this morning to justify not going to work (and consequently not getting paid). Pah!
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6.6.05 10:14
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I fear change
How disappointed am I? VERY.
I went along to my optician's appointment on saturday morning, all ready to don the heavy glasses, but as I stepped into the examining room I could immediately tell something was wrong. It was too small for a start - where was the letter chart, and the big comfty chair? What was all this strange looking apparatus? No! It had changed! It had all changed!
Heavy glasses: Gone. Swapping lenses: Gone. Even the eye chart had been replaced by some sort of funny projection box. All the magic had been taken out of it.
When I used to have my eyes tested it made me feel like I was special, like the optician was taking an interest in me, but now it feels like I've been through a production line - the process is more efficient, but I'm just another piece of meat. It's progress, but at what cost, and where will it end? Today it may just be impersonal eye tests, but tomorrow we'll be bowing down to our new robot masters. I guarantee it.
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6.6.05 11:58
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